While it’s tempting to step in and help a child to resolve a situation, whether it’s tying a shoe or solving a puzzle, there are certain moments when they learn more by trying to figure it out for themselves.
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In the latest Thriving Kids podcast episode, Dave Anderson, PhD, senior psychologist and vice-president of public engagement and education for the Child Mind Institute, and Julia Leonard, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Yale University, discuss this topic.
Leonard’s research looks at how young children decide where to put their effort and the role that parents and caregivers play in teaching them which challenges are worth taking on.
The podcast discusses how children learn persistence alongside caregivers, rather than on their own, and what happens when caregivers step in and finish a task for them. It also focuses on how to praise effort in ways that motivate, why that looks different for teenagers, and how Leonard applies her research in her own classroom and lab.
Some strategies discussed in the podcast include:
Step back before you step in: Caregivers should think of themselves as a consultant, rather than a fixer. Children learn to handle setbacks through trial and error, so when caregivers hover or take over, they take away experiences that can build problem-solving skills and confidence.
Praise the trying, not the talent: Praise a child when they try, but only praising success - or traits such as being smart - risks teaching children that failure is bad. So, be sure to praise effort, regardless of the outcome.
Let them see you struggle: Caregivers should share their own setbacks - such as making a mistake at work, struggling to learn something new, or not getting something you hoped for - and show them how you handled the disappointment. It teaches them that setbacks happen to everyone and that it’s OK when things go to plan.
When they fall short, problem-solve together: Start with empathy by saying something like, “I see you’re disappointed and I know you wanted to do better on that test.” Skip over comments like “you’ll do better next time,” which can brush off how they feel. Once the child is ready, talk through what they could do differently next time.
To listen to the episode, visit the Thriving Kids podcast website.